Hmm, think's she's pissed off with me alr. To the extent of fan1 lian3. Haiz. That entry's fault. Shld have shut my bloody mouth and numb my irritating fingers then. All these would not have happened. Can tell she's trying to view me as 'invisible', despite the huge surface area and volume i occupy. Well, she kind of succeeded. Coz even as a slow reacter, I can sense it.
I really dunno how I should feel, or do. I've got to admit I'm trying to make myself indifferent. The more indifferent I am, the more I stone. The more I stone, the more I think of stuff, in a pessimistic way, I guess. And well, nearly burst into tears during chem just now. Lucky could hold back in time. That's not the point.
Life in nj for this past month has never been good. Dunno how to deal with it. I want to talk to somebody in my class preferably. But I dunno how I should open my mouth. It's like out of a sudden you tell ppl these kind of stuff. Kind of funny la.
The more I think of changing school, the more I want to cry. The more I feel that I'm such an idiot choosing the wrong school, but by looking at the first 3 months' days I would not have thought of the present situation. Bleahz. Dunno what happened in the middle also. Haiz.
I really dunno how to take initiative. Shld have told that person abt it the other day. Maybe it would be of some help. Maybe it'll get worse. But just want to say it out loh. Since I denied abt it the other day, what for looking up for the person and say that I'm not ok now?
Loneliness is not good loh. Really. Nvm, must get used to it I guess. Only child for so many years le, shld be ok la.
Must learn to smile now. Going for training later. If cry, ppl start asking me what happened alr.
Shld be greatful that they didnt talk bad abt me when I'm around. Otherwise.... I wont be living here, I guess.
Actually, truthfully speaking. I feel better at home, I never thought abt such stuff, at least that 5 days of hols,mayb coz mum gives me a very comfortable feeling. But cant tell all these to her, coz she always say it's my fault. Haiz. Always like that one la, when you feel damn bad, ppl still say the fault lies with you, even though it's the truth, make you feel worse loh. dunno la.
nj - more sorrows than laughter. wth.
ah- too much laughter than made me forget what sorrow is all abt. [minus some period of time in between]
How I wish I could live without friends. But the fact is, I can't. I'm too dependant on others.
Kind of a repetitive entry. Dunno also. I mean, if she's pissed off with me, there's nth I can do. She'll hate me to the core, I believe. I dont have such a strong character as to heck care abt it, but there's nothing I can do to counter it either.
Stupid brain of mind. Lousy and useless and only know how to think of non-productive stuff.
How I wish I'm strong enough. I've changed too much. I wish everything could be as perfect as before. At least someone to talk to when you're down, remember used to sneak out of the classroom to chat. Now, finding that someone to chat is hard. Haiz.
My screwed up nj life. Thought ao2 guo4 qu4 then ok le. Well, when you try to be optimisitic, things just nv turn out that way.