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Thursday, December 30, 2004
ignore me

the tsunami. dunno what to say. just feel very sorry for the people. everytime i see the bodies, just feel like crying. they didn't ask for it, it's just they unluckily met this horrible natural disaster, and lost their lives. haiz. these kind of stuff never crossed my mind. now you see the mighty power of water. horrible thing. just one blow and there goes everything. it was once a beautiful beach, nice scenery blah blah, and everything is wiped out now.

it's equally bad as a war. 80,000 lives in asia gone. i really wonder how long it takes for the survivors to start all over again. nvm.

singapore is always so lucky. and i despise selfish ppl. those who know abt everything and refuse to share them with other ppl and come out with stupid excuses such as 'no contacts'. lame crap. let them rest in pieces. rahhhHH.

-what a no substance opinion. told u to ignore me-
_________________________________________________________

Been thinking abt lots of stuff recently. hav been asking myself again and again for the reason behind not choosing vj. still clueless. sometimes i really hate myself, all the decisions i make are not the right one for me. nj, i'm not saying it's bad, somehow i don't think i suit that sch/ the sch dosen't suit me. mayb i only treasure the place after i leave. same case as ahs. i only remembered choosing nj coz i want to be different frm fellow anglicans, but come to think of it, issit really that important? in the end, i sacrificed my friendship/relations/bonding with so many ppl, just for the word 'special'. what crap. i don't think i gain much afterall. i feel like a dumbo somehow. mayb following others' footsteps is safer.(nj ppl, i'm not saying that you all made my days in nj miserable. u all have been a good company. i dunno how to explain.ahHHHh)

but i never learn my lesson. i'm still thinking of whether to study overseas. i do not wish to let history repeat itself again and again, but somehow i've got to consider lots of things before jumping to a conclusion. but anyway, i was thinking of taking dietetics or occupational therapy. stupid idea when i don't even take bio. haha. but that's only for the time being.

i'm not sure whether he's feeling this way. but sometimes, or rather many times, he gives me a feeling that our relationship is better. mayb it's just an illusion. mayb he did that to fu1 yan3 me, knowing i always have such unrealistic thoughts. mayb he never ever felt that way at all. sometimes i just feel that, some things, are not as easy to forget as i thought they would be. nvm.

the prob with me is that i keep doubting my capabilities. not very sure also.

and tml, the last day of year 2004. haven't done my maths at all. realised that there is 2nd de, stats 2&3, polar equations, numerical solutions, probability. omg. i'm really hating maths. and whose lame idea was it to have friendly at tj tml? new year's eve leh. aiyoh yoh. sure gone case again. haha.

havent gone to the clinic yet. hope the lumps are just lumps and nth else. nth that endangers my life. 4 in total now. -.-"