maybe it's a screwed up period of my life. everything just went wrong, even during this festive season. there's nth to be happy abt, there's nth to be excited about. so what if you are excited? nobody's out there to accompany you...
so what if i was so happy thinknig that i can go back ahs and meet my sec sch mates and maybe go out and play? everybody's having their programme lined up, i'm just an extra njcian.
afterall, even if you treat someone as you best best best friend..the other person will not treat you the same way. nvm. consequence of being extra, and not keeping much contact with your friends. you'll be gradually forgotten.
so what if you were trying to hide your agony of losing matches and being afraid that you cant make into the team, yet others are there mingling and giggling and you have to act happy just to "join in the fun"? nobody knows your sorrows, nobody cares.
i was thinknig what if i get kicked out. which is such a high possibility. i will feel super inferior and probably i wont talk to much already. ashamed to do so.
so what if you expect to have a warm welcome when you come home? hoping that your parents will joke with you and cheer you up? they just saca you and blame you and reprimand you for reaching home late and not doing anything. they dont even give a damn abt your sprained ankle and cuts on ur hand. they dont. they start to regret giving birth to such a disobedient girl.
so what if you try to cheer urself up by watching anime and chatting with friends online but ur parents just love to kb you? nth you can do.
so what if you did your work before going out to hav fun with your friends? your parents assume that you didnt, thinknig that experience will bring them to the correct answer all the time. and when you reach home, all the scoldings....
so what if you had so much fun in school? at east coast park? at marina? all these memories will be gone.....after a scolding.
what a failure i am. how i wish i never reincarnated.
so what if you cry in front of this monitor? nobody knows. everybody thought you are a cheerful girl, no sorrows, no temper.
if only i was that perfect...i wouldnt have lived as a human being.
maybe i shld have joined band. i wouldnt have gone through all these shit. sometimes there's really no point learning sth coz it's your interest. really no point.