i am unfeeling.
after what i said to him just now. that i didnt wanna patch up. he must be thinknig it's all his fault. but i dunno what to say to him. i dun want to give myself any more hopes, any wishful thinking. i want to let him know it's not his fault but i just cant say it out.
we just love to blame ourselves when this time comes. actually, i'm disappointed with myself, losing at something i used to be very confident about. all the hopes i gave myself, were gone at once.
i know the more chances i give myself, i'll never learn. even if he was the best choice, i dont mind punishing myself in this way. at least, i learn to grow up, learn to change. learn to accept criticisms and all that.
the bbq, wasn't too bad. but neither was it as good as i thought it would be. memories still gushed into my head occasionally. i tried to be happy, and i hope i didnt show any signs of disappointment. and i was glad, haha, at least my first chicken wing looked presentable. :)
no doubt, this period of time will always be the best of my jc life. thankx for making the big difference!
i'll never forget that friday. which i thought things would change for the better. yet, 30+ hrs later, it was a totally different chapter of my life. sometimes, the more effort i put in, the more screwed up the things will be.
bleahx. ignore me.
*ps. the tagboard is spoilt again!