i thought our feelings were that strong....
.....until i knew that it was all due to sympathy.
maybe to ppl out there i dont seem to be strong, like a loser who needs protection from ppl around me. but i believe i'm not. i can heal my own wounds, just that i seldom do it.
i may not seem ambitious just because i never told you about my goals in the future. what i wanna be, what i want to study. but that doesnt mean i dont have any dreams. just that i'm unsure. that's why i nv say it out. maybe i dont work hard to get the best results, doesnt mean i'm not competitive. i have my ways of doing it, and maybe we have a different definition of 'ambitious'
well, 'opposites attract', the concept that i learnt for the past few months. the thought that kept me going, and believing that i can do it. well, maybe this doesnt apply to us. forget it then.
sorry for the confusion for the whole of last week. now, i'm really firm with my choice. i dont think a relationship works because of sympathy, to think that i'll get hurt more. there's no measure of how deep you are hurt, just how fast you can recover from it. even if i take a longer time to heal, i'll still get well eventually, so dont worry..
maybe you didnt know my true self, coz i've been hiding it from everybody. even myself.
after what i have heard from you, i know you prefer her more, in terms of almost everything, so hope you treasure yah?
seriously, thinking of what iris has been telling me for umpteen times.... what has nj done to me?!
too late to say anything now, and well, probably no one understands me cox i mind so much how ppl look at me. i'm self concious. i admit. when i knew that someone else doesnt support the thought of us being together, (ok, and i read her blog, and i understand how much white lies you told me just to make me feel better), and her reasons for doing so, i'll just let go. since others dont have the faith in me, i dont have the faith in myself too. maybe no one will understand this, but who cares. and thankx for saying that i'm a brilliant girl though i still feel that i'm a loser and sometimes i feel that the praise is a little superficial(sorry). she was right, you should go with someone you feel more happy and suitable with. what for sticking to this old bloody hag who only whines and finds you when she needs you, the same old bitch that irritates you at the wee hours in the morning, and makes you feel more troubled when u already are? yupx, indeed, you need a more mature girl than me.
i regret choosing nj. sorry. i've been repeating this again. life could be better if i've been in tj. really. i felt that on friday. but i know that's too late.
i hate myself. i'm a loser. i dont mind if i get run down by a big truck tomorrow coz it shows that i can reincrinate again and yah, stop being a loser after that.
thank god i have a blog. otherwise i would have exploded coz i havent been telling anyone about this verbally and nobody gave me advices but well, apparently quite a number have read this so yah....