was helping huitian print her files. when i saw the content, i was quite touched. by their friendship, the thing she's gonna do for them. though i dont really know the exact thing, but the idea is there. come to think of it, i havent been doing all these for my friends..
ok. makes me think of the pinkish kaya bottles i've stuffed the candies in for valentine's day 2003. haa.
[edit at 3:40pm]
ok. i cant comfort ppl for nuts. i cant even give good logical practical advices. yah, i just bombard the person with all my attitude problems and prejudice, yes and things that i suggested cant even be put into use. it's those kind of problem solving methods that result in hurting other ppl the most.
was reading one's blog. one of those who broke up with someone else recently. i seem to have seen my own reflection. the same kind of feelings. the pride and self-esteem part. all gone for good. it's back to the lowest level again. though i forced myself to be indifferent towards so many things yet i cant do it. i can dont show it out, and i nv talked abt it. not because i'm afraid to be hurt but rather i feel that nobody will be interested abt it now. (sorry for over generalising it) but well, the topics we talk abt doesnt revolve around it so nvm. talk abt sth that everyone will be interested in would be better. and i hate it when i want to talk abt it to somebody and that person can just interrupt me and heck what i'm saying and goes on with the new topic. it's worse than giving a horrible advice. it shows how uninterested the person is. and i'm disappointed. i trusted the person. i thought that was the best person i can turn to. but this is what i get. i mean that's how much the friendship's worth? nvm. i still can take it myself. sometimes, it's not that i want to keep all these to myself, but whenever i want to talk abt it, no one's there to hear. you wont understand the great impact these things have on me.
ok. back to the same thing. although the entire incident has come to an end, we've settled everything, but whenever i think about it, it seems like a big rock falling on me. how much it pulls me down, and sometimes, it's like a big wound in the heart. i mean, no girl wants it to happen to her. she can jolly well watch all these on tv. but no way, she doesnt want to experience all these. so what if that wound is healed? there's still a scar. the pain will still be there. everytime i thought abt it, i'll be blaming myself. for being so incapable, for venting my anger or mood swings on the same person all the time, for expecting too much from the other person when me myself cant do it either. and suffer this consequence in return. i know it's useless to blame myself, not like everything will change for the better after that. cant stand unfaithfulness. i hate a change of heart. it's like telling me that no one can be trusted in this whole wide world coz people change. the promises wont be kept for long.
but well well....that's life. accept it.
reading arts students' blogs are inspiring. they've got the language and the points. boo hoo. look at mine.