i'm utterly disappointed coz the plan for tml is spoilt. stupid wedding dinner.
and as i watched the dvds i just borrowed, i couldnt stop reflecting. i wished i had a close knitted family. i wish the 3 of us could sit down and talk about everything, share our woes and everything. even sitting in front of the tv and laugh together. going out for a walk or something. and not ostracizing and complaining about one another. of course, i admit it's my bad temper. i cant tolerate any imperfection. in the past i cant stand my mum, and now my dad. i really dont understand why, as a man, he's so unwilling to take the initiative to do so many things. i could only envy the girl in the show coz her dad encourages her and listens to her. and i guess, in the near future, i wouldnt have any chance. he cant stand me too. maybe it's for my own good and i still cant feel it at the moment. i dunno. sometimes, i envy those who have siblings. there's always someone you can turn to. the close bond, the bickerings and everything, something that i cant experience for the rest of my life. when my closest cousin told me that she treated me like her sister, i couldnt describe the super warm feeling i had. but i really love her alot, it's quite strange coz we share our deepest secrets with one another though we only see each other for once or twice a year.
i guess i'm just not good enough. not a good daughter, not a good friend. i cant be the someone who can make u smile or laugh when u are down. but i'm the one who will drive you to your grave when you are mad enough.