ok, maybe the following entry may sound stupid to you.
my mum had a course this evening so she couldnt join us for dinner. and i went home pretty early(as compared to other mother-less nites), so i helped my dad reheat the food and laid out the table while he cooked the veg. i gave up on cooking veg coz it turned out uncooked the other time and i got mocked by him. =(
so, in the beginning, it was like those rich families having dinner - SILENCE. and as usual, i had the thought of finishing it fast and just avoid him. plus, he was pretty angry with my mum and i for these few days coz we bought this water filter thingy without telling him. and that thing costs $1600+ . my mum bought it coz she is turning more health conscious and i bet must be some aunty out there conned her into buying it. we know my dad will scould us for wasting money again. but what's done is done. so make full use of the filter!
then my dad striked a convo with me. asked me about uni courses as usual. told him psychology and he said sth like he was pretty shocked i chose that, coz i dont seem VERY interested in the course (quite true) and that my english isnt that good. he asked for my second choice and i shrugged. cooked up a stupid answer, like chemistry. he asked why didint i consider for business courses or the commercial field. i couldnt answer again. (he always asks me things i couldnt answer and probably it reflects that i dont really use my brain much) and he went on with his grandfather story of my cousin suggesting that i should study analysis (or whatever it is, i dunno the name) and other random famous people who studied courses that not much people chose. he emphasized again and again that it's the interest that counts. dont consider the prospects coz you wont know what the market is like when you graduate. and at that moment, i felt real happy coz i know he cared! and he didnt object my stupid answer of chemistry. he kept saying probably there are good jobs for chemistry other than teaching.. just that probably you will be stuck in the lab.
well, he suggested that i should consider management courses, unless i'm really very inclined to these science-related subs. though he mocked at my results every now and then saying that i'm no talent and no universities are going to scout me. (I KNOW!!!!)
for a moment, i've decided to reconsider what i am choosing ultimately, instead of being a stubborn ass and eliminating the options i'm given.
i've realized, it's all in the mindset. my stupid mindset that my family sux. my damn mindset that others are always better than me.
afterall, my family isnt that bad. just that you have to be careful of what you say. (or rather because i'm soo full of shit and my parents are pretty serious people so i'm afraid they dont really like what i say)
and when he was going to bathe. he saw me messaging and he asked "change phone again ah?" NO! must be that damn uncle coz he likes to put words into my mouth and i always try not to be rude and smile at him in return. dont feel like talkin much coz they will tease you and accuse you and blah.
but truthfully, i want a new phone! (probably after i finished working) coz this stupid k700i deletes messages itself. pissing. it made me feel as if no one remembered my bday last yr coz it practically deleted all my bday msges! rahhhhh.
anyway, i just love the feeling that my father cares about me. coz i hate it when he doesnt show it out. it's with that black face of his. and i'm scared of that black face.
watched my baby videos and recalled what my mum told me. not much dads in the world are willing to carry a 3-4kg load on their shoulder and hav the patience and love to flim their children for 30 mins everyday. even though they didnt do classic actions but it's the memory that counts. a memory that can be shared with others in the future.
and i'm on the verge of crying. yes....crybaby.