i'm jealous over stupid things. stupid things that i have no right to be jealous over.
coz i'm not putting in the effort..
or rather i'm envious. or maybe i'm jealous. cant figure out the difference. when will i ever experience the perfect kind of family life. sitting round the dining table, enjoying our meals, catching up with one another. the happiness, the cohesion. how long has it been for 3 of us to go out for a meal, enjoy one another's company. it's always silence.
i'm envious of people who can enjoy all these, which may seem so insignificant to them. i have such a small family, not much relationships to handle, yet i screw them all up.
maybe i'm just an extra member of the family. i dont deserve all these...
i'm not fit to be a member of this family. shld i just leave and let them enjoy each other's company rather than staying here and be in their way..
sometimes, i just find myself a useless bum. i cant comfort ppl when they cry, i cant be of much help when they needed it most, i cant be a confidant or anything. i'm not a good daughter, a good friend, a good gf or anything....
i shld be eliminated from this earth.