urgh. so many drafts in my blog. 18 drafts for this month. and not like i'll read them in the years to come. and worse is you cant publish it coz you wont know who will ever chance upon this page.
anyway, life's been really meaningless. it's like tv, ipod, youtube everyday, without fail. i wonder if i'm able to get back to the mood to study again. like literally muggggg. bleahx. due to the effects of da vinci code, i couldnt sleep for a few nites. (yes, useless. timid shit) actually i'm quite scared of those religious paintings, sculptures i dunno why. it's been lidat since young. i always feel that there's this evil aura, and i'm really afraid of those stuff. and to make things worse, silas has white hair and white face and blue eyes which totally disturbed me. sometimes i step into my dark room and feels that he's around. i see images of him at nite, and it takes me a few hrs watching random dramas to brush off his face for a little while.
come to think of it, i'm really useless.
occasionally, i sit in the living room, switched on the tv, and starting daydreaming. how my life would be in uni, how would it be if i managed to get into hostel, how would my hk trip screw up this time again, my wishful thinking that my parents will let me wander on my own, how will orientation be, how am i going to spent my days after i quit, how miraculous it would be if i master korean. wahahaha!
then i have silly thoughts of some random things. it's like when you watch dramas, you feel that having a relationship during school days seem so sweet. when both parties are so cute and innocent and do random stupid yet heart-melting stuffs for one another. dramas are dramas. dragging you into this world of fantasies. BUT! i get really disgusted now when i see students in random shopping malls, in their uniforms, and holding hands. maybe they didnt have the well, super sweet feeling, and there's this EVIL part of me that silently chants, "breakup!' hahaha, to think i've done the same thing before in the past. *sighss*
the thought of facing exams and the terror of grades again discourages me to study. i'll probably screw up everything in fass coz i cant write and i dont like writing and my language sucks. and worse, i'm thinking of taking jap in uni and now, korean has become a big problem for me! boooo!
i dont know if this is part of human nature. we love to look back. and compare it with the present. ahhh, dunno la.