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it just occured to me.
i'm sucky at friendships. especially maintaining them, especially after we all left school.
i hate my scardy-cat-ness.
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i feel that i'm a superwoman. when exams are near, like 24 hours before the paper, my brain will have this sudden increase in capacity that allows me to chunk all the stuff i've learnt in 13weeks inside. and i've been practising this for the past few days. surprisingly, i'll remember them, even without knowing what it really means (rote learning). but i'm amazed by my sudden ability to do so.
maybe it's the stress, the pressure.
i'm sure efforts will pay off eventually. reap what you sow. and thus, i've got this hunch that i wont perform well this semester. thanks to too much last minute work.
so today's history paper marks the end of the non-stop 4days of exams for me. rushing to school, browsing through notes, squeeze every word into this puny brain of mind, repeat what i've read, scribbles on paper. it's time to get a breather. i felt this little liberation inside. i'm left with only one, and that marks the end of my freshman year.
so fast huh? it was less than a year ago that i first stepped into nus for arts camp. travelling to YIH to pay for hostel fees. and the once-in-a-lifetime freshmen year, is going to end. just like that. hmm, how should i phrase it. it was the first time i hate being a junior.
my resolutions for next semester, in the hope that i'll have more time without the mc stuffs.
1. i will read my readings. really!
2. i will try to skip less lectures.
3. i will try to participate in those pointless debates in class.
3. i will try to participate in those pointless debates in class.
4. i will try to make friends with my tutorial mates. (which is so freaking hard)
5. i need to exercise, and it will start after my papers. i'm really terrible physically, i actually panted while climbing the stairs! i bet i've lost all the stamina.
oh well, so much for liberation. tonight i was supposed to have dinner alone as my mum has gone out and my dad went to the dentist's. on my way home, i've kind of decided to have carrot cake for dinner, but i forgot that hawker centre was under renovation. so i walked a little further to the HK cafe and ordered a bake rice with nice soup! (in the hope that i can relax a little in front of the comp watching bangbangtang while having my dinner)
super cool! i've forgotten to bring the keys.
so i was locked outside the house. you know the feeling, so near yet so far. and the cafe didnt provide me with the cutlery thus i couldnt even start on my dinner. i was thinking of sitting at the stairs and just enjoy my food. oh sighs. for a moment, i was so lost i dunno what to do. i called my mum and she was like you go back to the cafe and eat la! but it was 20mins since i left the cafe, and if i walked back with my food i will look like a loser. but still, i couldnt escape the fate of being a loser, i walked to 7-11, bought cup noodles, asked for chopsticks and spoon, walked to the void deck and ate my dinner. that was so loserish! i look like an unwanted kid!
after dinner, daddy hadnt returned from the dentist's. so i decided to meet yff at the mrt station since he just booked out. so while walking around in tm, i saw the new S.H.E's album for presale! so i immediately bought it for yff (totally impulsive)
i love hebe to bits!
ok so i sent yff home, called home and realized daddy was back and yay, i went home. rahhhh.
so much for a loser day.
*ps. it's the first time that i felt really painful after writing my essay. like THUMB pain, wrist pain. i'm not made to be an essay material. there was a moment during the paper that i couldnt hold my pen properly and i tried to place it between the fingers so that i could continue writing. oh man, this is so freaking painful.